Hi, if you are coming to this site via Internet Explorer 6, you might not be getting the best experience possible. Honestly, I can’t even begin to think about what your entire experience on the internet must be like? (…probably like riding a bike on the highway while cars blow by you on their way to Costco to get gallons of mayonnaise and 60-inch plasma TV’s). How will you ever be able to use this website?????? You wont. You’re an asshole and your browser is an asshole. So look, I’m going to be honest: I kind of hate you. BUT we c-a-n make this work. Here is what I am going to need you to do: fire up your Toshiba ShitBook© that weighs about 45 pounds, wipe the Cheeto dust off the screen, download Safari ( http://www.apple.com/safari/download/ ), delete Internet Explorer from your computer, punch yourself in the face, and get me a pulled pork sandwich.

Yeah. I like the line punch yourself in the face … That’s why it’s bold … twice!

Everybody looking at the photo above instantly recognizes exactly what it is. The big difference is what people call it. I listed a few examples – basket, buggy, cart – for starters.

I have to tell you it drives me crazy when I’m at the grocery store and I hear someone refer to it as a “buggy.” A buggy? Isn’t that what parents use to push around their little baby as in “baby buggy.” Just the other day at the grocery store I heard a little old lady ask her husband rather loudly.. “ARE YOU GOING TO GET A BUGGY HENRY?  HENRY, THE BUGGY, GET A BUGGY HENRY!  I had this horrible expression of disgust on my face. I can’t really say why it bugs me so much but apparently it does. Of course the loud screeching voice didn’t help matters.

On the other hand, I don’t really mind the reference – Basket.  Although I don’t personally use the term, it doesn’t really bother me. I can sign off on basket. It seems to fit. But not as well as cart. I like the term cart. Let’s face it, you’re shopping on the internet, do you click the buggy button. Uh, NO!. It’s called a shopping cart. And that’s just the way I like it!

What are some of the names you have called it?

So you finally signed up for Facebook. You filled out your profile and you’ve already started inviting friends. You’re adding applications, sending drinks, goofy cards, images, games, and the like to everyone you know. You’re even inviting friends who are NOT on Facebook. You are a Facebook madman! You’ve uploaded 20 or 30 of the most embarrassing photos of your friends you can find. You are adding cute little comments on each photo. You’re posting links to funny Youtube videos, links to your blog, and general Ha Ha funny links. You are one happy social networking freak!

So how long do we have to wait for you to post your photo? IT’S CALLED FACEBOOK! WHERE’S YOUR FACE? When I search for John Smith, and several thousand John Smiths show up, how the hell am I supposed to distinguish you from the other John Smiths with the default Facebook sillouette showing up? Go ahead friend, PLEASE, PLEASE POST A PHOTO OF YOURSELF!

Here are a couple of tips:

1. Avoid using blurry photos
2. Avoid using dark, dimly lit photos
3. Avoid using photos where you are hardly recognizable
4. Avoid using photos where 5 or more people appear in the photo

Here’s another fun little trick. Instead of posting a photo of yourself, you cleverly post an image of your cute little son or daughter. Adorable. I get it. You love your child. Is it necessary to post their photo where your profile photo should be? Hmmm … I’m going to go with NO! How about starting a new photo album with photos of your child. That would be a great place to start.

So for all my friends out there. Grab a hold of the clue bag and dig deep for a clue. Post a clear, cheerful, fun photo of yourself and make us all proud!

Lookybook.com is a cool site which allows parents flip through kid’s books before buying them. You get to see the whole book showcased in a clever page turning flash app. Other sites like Amazon allow you to preview the first couple of pages but that’s about it.

Click the eyes on the top right of the book box above for a larger version.

Starbucks finally gets a clue — they start selling decent coffee!
When Starbucks recently introduced its new smoother coffee “Pike Place Roast“, I have to say that I was very skeptical. Let’s face it, Starbucks was more famous for it’s specialty coffee drinks than for its coffee. Dunkin’ Donuts, McDonalds and a slew of other coffee hucksters have beaten Starbucks in blind taste tests. McDonalds is knee deep in the coffee game and is certainly having an effect on Starbuck’s market share.

With that said, I have to say that I was very surprised. The coffee was delicious and every bit as good as the marketing campaign that accompanied it. The main issue that I have had with drinking Starbucks coffee in the past is how incredibly bitter it was. Not the case with “Pike Place.” It’s bold, smooth and very tasty. Ahh, the return to the days of old — when Starbucks was known for it’s coffee. There is also a throwback with the original siren logo that appears on the coffee cups. Kudos to Starbucks for pulling a winning clue out of the cluebag.

Also see:
Starbucks finally switches to free Wi-Fi!
Starbucks Sleeve
Jackhole goes to Starbucks
Do Starbucks corporate employees get free coffee?
Akeelah and the Bee and the Starbucks employee

Email is a necessity when it comes to communication. Here are a few of my tips from the cluebag:

If you reply to an email, don’t start a new topic without changing the subject.
Suppose you get an email titled “Meeting to determine the next meeting.” Everyone can chime in and give their two cents. Sure, maybe Bob can make it but Sally can’t. Perhaps several action items are added to the list – great! DON’T HIT REPLY AND ASK WHO IS VOLUNTEERING FOR THE UPCOMING BLOOD DRIVE WITHOUT CHANGING THE SUBJECT LINE. What’s worse is the fifteen new people who reply to this email. Every five replies a new subject is added WITH THE SAME SUBJECT LINE!

How do you expect me to find your email about the “Impending new project deadline” when you fail to CHANGE THE SUBJECT! I guess I’ll just spend 10 to 15 minutes hunting down your email. Better yet, I’ll call you on the phone and ask if you sent the email to me so I can be the fool. Oh, you say, you sent it on Tuesday at 4:39. Ah. Now I able to find it. Not because of the subject line – Meeting to determine the next meeting – but because I had to phone you and ASK YOU.

Don’t send an urgent, time sensitive email without any additional communication
Let’s suppose for a moment that I receive an email titled “Bake sale moved up one hour.” I’m knee deep in work and only periodically checking my email. The bake sale is in full swing when I receive a call asking “Where are you, the bake sale started 20 minutes ago?” I’ll tell you where I am – I’m planning on wrapping up what I’m working on because the bake sale STARTS IN 40 MINUTES! How about a friendly 8 second call letting me know about the time change. Better yet, how about taking 11 steps, passing by my office and “THE BAKE SALE TIME HAS CHANGED!”

Don’t send ridiculous jokes or chain letters
I really don’t care if a terrible plague swallows up the earth if I don’t immediately forward your email to 20 of my friends. It’s a shame too. I’m sure my friends would really enjoy reading your silly email. Also, I’m not going to send money to some joker in South Africa because of his pathetic sob story about his millions of dollars temporarily tied up. I don’t care. I use email for communication with friends and colleagues.

Roughly 10 years ago I finally had to write a “STOP SENDING ME JOKES” email to a longtime friend. I don’t think he took it too well. Even after sending that scathing email, he would occasionally send me a “THIS IS REALLY, REALLY, FUNNY” email. Unfortunately he was not always right. And that’s putting it mildly. I was forced to create a filter so I wouldn’t get sucked into reading more nonsense.

On the other hand, I do sometimes look forward to certain joke emails which actually ARE funny. I guess there is a trusted source for everything.

Come on people, time to get the clue bag. Reach deep and grab a clue! A little etiquette goes a long way. Where’s the love? How about a little consideration for your fellow neighbor.