Southwest Airlines reservations – or why I don’t like to fly Southwest

Although there are a lot of fans of Southwest Airlines out there, I cannot be counted as one of them. After flying them this past weekend from South Florida to New Orleans, there is plenty for me to gripe about.

First of all, I’m not a fan of Southwest’s open seating policy. Sure it sounds like a great idea getting to choose where you would like to sit. However, it is only a great idea if the plane is 50% filled. If the plane is over sold, like most of the flights on Southwest, it doesn’t really work out for the consumer. Instead of a seat assignment, you receive a letter on your boarding pass – either A, B, or C. Of course the letters are first come first serve. “A”s, then “B”s, then “C”s. And here’s what that translates to:

A – Aisle – What the first people in the plane usually select

B – Window – Not the Aisle but close enough

C – Center – What the last resort is if you wish to fly

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What do Tom Petty and The Who have to do with the NBA finals?

In a word… nothing.

The music played throughout ABCs coverage of the 2006 NBA finals is old man classic rocker Tom Petty. The Mavericks are introduced to The Who’s “Eminence Front”. What? Eminence front? Yes siree.

It’s hard to imagine in 2006 that we would be watching a finals game with old dinosaur rockers at the helm. Last time I checked it was 2006. Basketball is all about attitude. It’s about a lifestyle. It’s about tatoos.
Heard any:

Black Eyed Peas…
50cent…
Mike Jones…
Kanye West…

Nope!

Instead it’s good ‘ol boy TOM PETTY and one foot in the grave rockers THE WHO.

Hey ABC, time to make some producer changes at your outdated network. Pay attention to what’s going on in the world cause here comes the newsflash… TOM PETTY and THE WHO signed off in 1982.

Why are the yellow pages still being used?

Last time I checked it was still 2006. This is the age of the internet, right? I can jump on the internet and google any address and get a match in mere seconds. Not only that but I can get an amazing map to go with it. From there, I can customize the map view, print it out and can be out the door a minute later. So why are the yellow pages still being delivered? Last year I think I received two or three shipments. They get tossed right into the recycle bin.

I want to know where the concerned environmentalists are. Shouldn’t they be complaining about our poor trees being killed? Don’t they care about the massive amount of waste that is taking place? Surely they must be concerned that across the U.S.most people are also tossing the yellow pages in the trash as well. The good news is that some may recycle. Whoopee!

Because of this nifty new invention, called the internet, I see no use for the yellow pages anymore. I can see it for the older population who still prefer traditional methods. But let’s be realistic here. Most companies have web sites and would be better off spending some money improving their sites rather than spending it on a yellow pages ad. Apparently a major paradigm shift hasn’t occurred here yet.

Of course the flip side is that people are still buying the ads in the yellow pages so some must still be using them. As for me… NO. I’m not using the yellow pages. I may use a book to light a fire the next time I go camping. I could stockpile a bunch and have a great camping trip. No need for kindling.

The yellow pages are dead! Viva el internet!

New immigration policy – Reward those who break the law

By now everyone has witnessed the large immigration rallies and protests in Dallas and L.A. It’s been the hottest topic on the cable news stations.

My stance on immigration is simple. If you want to live or work in the United States there are a couple of things I want to know:

1. Who are you?
2. Where are you?
3. Are you paying taxes?
4. Are you law abiding?
5. Do you want to make a contribution to this country or just in it for yourself?

Sure, it could sound harsh. However, millions of Americans each day are subject to these rules. The government knows exactly who I am, how much tax I should pay, and where I live.

What about the people who are waiting in line to come to the U.S. the legal way? What about a Chinese person who has been waiting for more than nine years to get a Visa. What about my Romanian friend? He immigrated to Holland to make a better life for himself. He has been trying to get a visa just to visit the U.S. for a week and has been denied for the past five years!

What about people who gave up everything to come to live in the US via political asylum?

Hey, if you’re ex-Taliban leader, you can easily come and live here and attend an Ivy League school! Terrific!

So what’s the message here about immigration?

Immigrate to the U.S. the legal way and you may be waiting years. Hop across the border and you are rewarded for breaking the law.

Yeah… That makes sense.

The French wave the white flag again.
Way to go Jacques Chirac!

For a long time, the French have been the butt end of countless jokes. When you would google “French Military Victories” google would return “You mean french Military defeats“. There’s the French military in a nutshell, any Monte Python episode, etc.

The youth unemployment in France is a stagering 20%. In an attempt to decrease unemployment amongst the youth and create a more competitive marketplace, Mr. Chirac and his protege Prime Minister Dominique de Villepin drafted a new law. Here’s an excerpt from a BBC article:

The law introduced a new work contract, known as the First Employment Contract or CPE for under-26s. It was to allow a two-year trial period, during which employers could end a contract without explanation.

Of course the plan was shelved after the worst protests in 40 years. The kids protested and our man Chirac listened. Of course Prime Minister Dom De Villepin is the favorite successor for the presidency. Easy to understand why a speedy change was made especially after De Villepin’s approval rating fell from 49% to an uncomfortable 25%. OUCH.

Of course President Bush’s approval rating has fallen. I believe it may have dropped below 25% as I’ve been writing this. That’s the difference between a leader and a sheep herder. The leader makes tough decisions in the best interest of all people, the sheep herder listens to a few of the sheep and makes a decision at the expense of the rest of the people.

I really thought the French might be on to something worthwhile by creating some competition in the workplace. Actually doing the right thing for a change. Once again very predictable. Keep waving that white flag my fine frenchmen. Way to go Jacques Chirac!

Junk mail. A Bigger Problem than Spam

Everyone is so concerned about spam. Every time you open your e-mail just take a look in the inbox all the unwanted mail. There are Spam filters, programs, everything under the sun to keep this pesky mail from entering our inboxes.

My friends, there is a bigger problem than spam. What to do about all the paper junk mail that’s waiting for us everyday in our mailbox. No one seems to really be bothered by all the junk mail we receive on a daily basis.

Everyone is very concerned about spam though. With spam, you may have to actually click on the email and hit the delete key. Of course I would love to have a delete key that worked for my junk mail. But no, I have to go through my snail mail using the following steps:

1. Grab all mail lingering in my mailbox
2. Attempt to carry without dropping any mail
3. Carefully screen into three piles:

A) The “I know this is junk mail” pile
B) The “This might be something actually worthwhile” pile
C) The “Definitely keep because it’s important” pile

4. Open and go through the B and C pile
5. Screen the B pile and put important mail into C pile
6. Discard the A and screened B piles
7. Get rid of all envelopes and keep only necessary inserts from C pile

So this is quite a daily chore. There is no simple delete key for my junk mail. Where are all the wack jobs complaining about all the wasted trees that were used to create the paper my junk mail is printed on. They are nowhere to be found. Rest assured, these are the same people complaining about their spam filters not working correctly. Somebody please explain this to me.
Imagine all the wasted paper that is shipped daily to U.S. residences. I’m no numbers expert but I can only imagine how big this number must be. Multiply that number by 365 days and I believe we have entered into a danger zone. Frightening isn’t it. But hey, I can always revel in the fact that I have a delete key for my spam. Big deal.

There is a do not call registry for unsolicited phone calls.

There are filters and spam software for unsolicited emails.

Where is the “DO NOT MAIL ME CRAP THAT I DIDN”T ASK FOR” registry? Huh? Anybody?

The latest oxymoron – Cingular customer service

After purchasing a new mobile phone a couple days ago, I quickly realized that the new service that I ordered wasn’t functioning.

Let me start at the beginning. I switched my service last year from Sprint to Cingular. The main reason that I switched is because my phone no longer worked at home or the office. That only left the car and that accounted for only 30 minutes per day. I was long overdo for a new phone service.

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Get LOST

In the fall of 2004 I was perusing the new television line up. I selected a few new show and set Tivo to record them. Two weeks passed and my Tivo was filling up. I briefly watched a couple of shows and promptly deleted them. Then I saw that I had two episodes of LOST. I actually wondered if I should invest the next two hours watching the show only to have to watch another that week. I watched the first episode. Twenty minutes in and I was hooked. I was so excited to watch the next episode. After watching the next episode I was hungry for more.

So it was. Wednesday nights were now king. When you have Tivo, usually you never watch a show live because you can fast forward through the commercials and power watch. (Hey, why spend an hour watching a show when you can watch it in forty-five minutes.) I watched LOST live because it was that good. It kept you on the edge of your seat.
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Jackhole goes to Starbucks

After finishing a healthy lunch today, I had a craving for a Starbucks Venti Chai Latte. Driving up to Starbucks, I noticed an unusual excess of cars in the parking lot. So I began circling the Starbucks. Patiently I searched for a spot. Driving around, and around, and around the building. So many times that I started counting. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen… ah ha… a spot. Should I be concerned that it’s about three blocks away from the building? Hell, no, I need my Venti Chai Latte.

I walk right up to the counter and the nice girl behind the register greets me. She asks me what I want and I reply “I’ll take a Venti Chai Latte please”. Of course I’m still fuming over my parking lot escapade. I’m thinking to myself “What kind of Jackhole circles the building fourteen times for a stinking cup of tea”? Oh, that would be me. So the nice little girl behind the counter asks me my name. (Starbucks likes to write your name on the cup so they can call you by name when your drink is ready.) The girl asks me my name again and I reply “JACKHOLE”! She asks me if Jackhole is my real name. I said “It is today”. “I drove around looking for a spot fourteen times”. Another girl looks at me and says “Was that you in the green truck”?. “Yeah”, I replied. “That was me”… the JACKHOLE”.

My attention get diverted for a second while another girl holding a sampler assortment of coffee offers me one. I grab one and think about it for a second and say “Did you say this was coffee”? She replies “Yes”. Not wanting coffee, I put it back on the tray. She grabs it and turns around to throw it in the garbage. I said “Oh, that’s the PC thing to do”. “Toss it out”. “You wouldn’t want to offend anybody now would you”. The register girl shouts “No way JACKHOLE!” I think that’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard in a Starbucks or any other coffee shop for that matter.

When my Venti Chai Latte is finally ready. The kid yells out “Hey JACKHOLE !” “Your VENTI CHAI LATTE is ready JACKHOLE !”. The other Starbuckers behind the counter say “BYE JACKHOLE!”. “See you tomorrow, JACKHOLE !”